Rented a room and here I am. Still using the cannabis oil, one gram per week. It's very relaxing;  too early to tell what effect it's having on the cancer. But, most of my aches and strains from moving have resolved, except for the lower back which at least hurts a lot less, and I'm sleeping very well.

The full protocol with the cannabis oil requires dedicated time and space. Alkaline diet, juicing, therapeutic baths, lots of other stuff. I'm not in a space where I can do that yet, and over the last few months the cancer seems to be worsening quickly. It's spreading up my left chest and shoulder in an alarming way, but not to the other breast. I don't know how much longer I'll be able to punt with no real healthcare and not following a complete protocol. Maybe I'll find out.

The holidays are approaching and with them a recording in my heart starts playing scenes from the last months of my husband's life. I don't reach for them, they just arrive on schedule, every year. I try to replace those memories with other happy memories but it has not completely worked yet. I should just plan on crying every year from November through January. But that doesn't make for a cheerful holiday demeanor so stuffing it appears to be in order.  Which usually calls for some chocolate, cookies, and maybe even some ice cream. Ok stuffing it could kill me. I'm pretty sure that's what happened last year when things suddenly worsened and my arm swelled, right after Christmas.  It didn't help that I was staying at my lunatic uncle's house in Sacramento, who was busy bouncing off the walls..when I'm  upset I crave sweets. comfort food. a really bad idea these days, or I don't eat at all, and bad energy tends to make me nauseous.  I better go check my self-discipline account and see if there's anything left in there.